I don’t feel like writing at all. Not at all. But, it’s been too long. So, I figured I would write about why I don’t feel like writing...in hopes of breaking out of this funk.
Our family had to recently say goodbye to one of our beloved family members. Snuggle was our family’s 8 year old Pomeranian and Zipper’s sister and only litter mate. She has been slowly declining for the past year, with what several veterinarians have diagnosed as a brain tumor. The details of her illness were ugly and heart breaking. None of which I’ll share here, as I am trying my best to remember her in her prime.
Snuggle, Snugs, Nugs...the list of our terms of endearment for her goes on and on. She was an amazing girl. Sweet, loving, a little slow, but so very special. She was the best swimming dog ever! She loved to go to the river, and especially loved running on the beach. Snuggle loved being outdoors. In the summer, she would lay in the front yard all day. Eye’s closed, relaxing and letting the breeze blow through her fur is how she preferred life.
I have close friends, and even family who cannot understand the hurt that comes with losing a pet. It’s tremendous. In my world, there is no such thing as “just a dog” or “just a pet”. The pain of the loss is real. The mourning that is upon the rest of our pets is real. It’s so sad to watch “the pack” grieve for her, and try to re-establish their places in the family. Treats, new toys, car rides...none of it matters. They all just want their Snuggie Bear back. It breaks my heart.
Snuggle had her best day in months, on the day we had chosen to let her go. She smiled and gave out kisses until the very end. I held her in my arms, a warm breeze flickering the surrounding candlelight, as she exhaled for the last time. I know in my heart that it was the right decision. However, it doesn’t make it any easier. I also know that medically, there was nothing else that we could do for her. Again, it doesn’t make the pain any less painful. I truly believe that sometimes, in some situations...the greatest gift we can give them, is to let them go.
I’m not sure what happens to our pets when they pass. But, I’m also not certain what happens to us when we die either. I’d like to believe that our souls live on. Somehow, someway. And since I believe that my little tiny dogs have great big souls...perhaps Snuggle is finally OK, and waiting.